when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
