maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i drank out of a bidet.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
is that a dick in a sweater?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
