I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
