non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
