there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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