and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
