When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
