I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
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