Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Randomize
