YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
