she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
