Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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