YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
