Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Randomize
