I understand Curling. That high.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Randomize
