Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
