i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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