from now on my penis is your penis
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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