omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
