I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
