come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
this hospital has no fireball
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
