Your tits are I can't wait for
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
