SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
