So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
