did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
