you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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