I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
