He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
