you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
