I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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