I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
