took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
