Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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