she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
