I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
