I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
