The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
