so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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