I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
