the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
