Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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