I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
