I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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