Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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