i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
