Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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