He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
