I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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