How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
