They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
